How to Help Someone With Anxiety - Without Overstepping
You want to help. But you don’t want to say the wrong thing. You’re not alone.
Anxiety is more common than you might think. Around 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. experience an anxiety disorder every year — many silently. Whether it’s generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, or social anxiety, the impact can be overwhelming—and knowing how to support a loved one isn’t always clear.
The good news? You don’t need to be a therapist or say the perfect thing to make a difference. Just your presence can help someone with anxiety feel seen, supported, and safe.
In this guide, we’ll gently walk through:
Recognizing signs of anxiety in someone you care about
What to say (and what not to say)
When it might be time to seek professional help
How to offer support without overstepping
You’re here because you care. Learn how to support someone with anxiety — with confidence and compassion.
Recognizing the Signs of Anxiety in Someone You Love
Anxiety doesn’t always look like panic or fear. In fact, people with anxiety often become experts at hiding it—especially when they don’t want to burden others. But if you’re close to someone you trust, a friend or family member, you might notice subtle shifts.
Emotional, Physical, and Behavioral Signs
Some early symptoms of anxiety disorders can include:
Emotional: irritability, restlessness, excessive worry, or sudden mood changes
Physical symptoms: headaches, muscle tension, fatigue, or difficulty sleeping
Behavioral: avoiding social situations, withdrawing from relationships, overworking, or perfectionism
For some, these symptoms may lead to an unexpected panic attack—a sudden wave of intense fear or discomfort that can feel frightening to witness. Others may live with more quiet, chronic forms like generalized anxiety or health anxiety, where fear and anxiety are constantly simmering just beneath the surface.
Additional Reading: You should also take a look at Not All Anxiety Looks the Same: Exploring the Types of Anxiety.
Recognizing these signs can help you support a loved one with sensitivity. When we understand what might be causing their symptoms, we’re less likely to take things personally or respond with criticism.
You don’t have to fix it. But your awareness and compassion can help them feel seen—and that alone can ease anxiety more than you realize.
How to Help Someone with Anxiety Without Taking Over
When someone you care about is struggling with anxiety, your first instinct might be to jump in and fix it. But real support isn’t about solving—it’s about being present in a way that helps the person feel safe, not smothered.
Here’s the key: support should empower, not overwhelm.
Instead of offering advice right away, try asking: “Would you like support right now, or just someone to listen?” This simple question respects their needs and gives them a sense of control—something that can feel scarce when they’re anxious.
Boundaries matter too. Even if someone’s anxiety seems intense, pushing them to act before they’re ready can make anxiety worse. If someone you know is having a panic attack or dealing with persistent symptoms, calmly suggest talking to a mental health professional or exploring mental health services.
Additional Reading: You might also want to learn about The Anxiety-Body Connection: How Stress Gets Stored in Your Body and What You Can Do About It.
Supporting someone isn’t about fixing their feelings—it’s about showing up with trust and tenderness. When you honor their pace and help the person feel heard, you’re offering something more powerful than advice: connection.
What to Say to Someone With Anxiety
When someone you care about is feeling anxious, it’s natural to want to make it better. But anxiety isn’t something we can just talk someone out of—it’s a deeply felt experience, and the best support often starts with simply showing up with care and calm.
What you say matters—but so does how you say it. Use a soft, steady tone. Try to stay present, even if their anxiety makes you feel unsure. You don’t have to have the perfect words—just being there, fully, is often enough.
Here are a few comforting things you can say:
“You’re not alone in this.”
“That sounds really hard.”
“I’m here if you need me.”
“It’s okay to feel anxious. You don’t have to hide it.”
“You’re not too much, and I’m not going anywhere.”
These phrases are grounding, affirming, and help your loved one feel safe and understood—especially if they’re struggling with feelings of anxiety they don’t fully understand themselves.
Nonverbal communication matters just as much. A calm presence, soft eye contact, and gentle body language can go a long way in helping someone you know feel less alone. When people experience anxiety, they often feel like they’re “too much” or that no one understands. Your steady, judgment-free presence reminds them they’re not broken—and they don’t have to face it alone.
Additional Reading: Learn Why Can’t I Just Relax? The Truth About Anxiety and Why Unwinding Feels Impossible.
And if you’re unsure what to say, try asking: “Would it help to talk about it, or do you just need someone to sit with you?” This gives them the space to tell you what they need—on their terms.
In the end, listening without fixing may be the greatest gift you can offer.
What Not to Say to Someone With Anxiety
When you’re trying to comfort a loved one, it’s easy to reach for the first reassuring thing that comes to mind. But certain phrases, even when said with the best intentions, can leave someone feeling dismissed or misunderstood.
Statements like:
“Just relax.”
“You’re overthinking it.”
“Everyone feels like that sometimes.”
“You have nothing to worry about.”
…can unintentionally minimize the experience. For people with anxiety disorders, these phrases can feel like their pain is being brushed aside.
Rather than offering quick fixes or toxic positivity (“Just think positive!”), aim for grounded compassion. Acknowledge that anxiety may feel overwhelming, and let your loved one’s anxiety be valid—even if you don’t fully understand it.
Try to avoid comparing their experience to your own or assuming you know what’s best. While it’s normal to feel anxious at times, people with anxiety symptoms often deal with intense, ongoing discomfort that can affect their daily activities and relationships.
Instead of trying to fix the situation, focus on being a safe, calm presence. Let them know you’re open to listening, and that there’s no pressure to “snap out of it.” You might even say, “I may not fully get it, but I want to understand. I'm here.”
Your ability to listen and help your loved one feel seen can offer more relief than any piece of advice ever could. Compassion is the intervention—and it’s often the most powerful one.
Anxiety Interventions That Can Help - If They’re Open to It
When someone you love is experiencing anxiety and panic, it’s natural to want to offer something that might help. But it’s important to remember: your role is to support, not direct. What works for one person may not work for another—and that’s okay.
If your loved one is open to it, you can gently introduce small interventions that may help them feel more grounded in moments of distress. These tools aren’t cures, and they’re not meant to replace the care of a professional—but they can offer comfort in the moment and help reduce excessive anxiety.
Here are a few calming practices that many people experiencing symptoms of anxiety find helpful:
Breathing exercises – Deep, slow breathing can help signal safety to the nervous system and ease tension. Even a few minutes of box breathing can help you feel calmer.
Grounding techniques – Techniques like the “5-4-3-2-1” method (naming five things you see, four you can touch, etc.) can bring focus back to the present and prevent anxiety from spiraling.
Body-based practices – Gentle movement, stretching, or even holding something cool or textured in your hands can help regulate the body’s response to stress.
Rest and routine – Encouraging getting enough sleep, hydration, and nutritious meals can be a quiet but powerful way to support your loved one’s anxiety.
These are not requirements, and you never need to force them. The goal is to gently offer—not prescribe. You might simply say, “Would it be okay if I shared something that’s helped other people during anxious moments?”
There are many paths to healing. The best one is the one your loved one feels safe exploring—on their own terms.
When It’s Time to Seek Professional Help
If your loved one’s anxiety starts disrupting their daily life, it may be time to gently encourage them to seek help from a mental health provider. This isn’t about judgment—it’s about caring deeply and wanting to see them supported in the most effective way.
Here are some signs it might be time to suggest professional mental health treatment:
They’re experiencing panic attacks or intense fear that seems to happen without warning
Their anxiety is interfering with sleep, appetite, work, or relationships
They’re constantly exhausted or overwhelmed, even by everyday issues
They’ve stopped doing things they used to enjoy
They express feeling “stuck” or hopeless, despite your support
Encouraging someone’s anxiety journey to include therapy doesn’t mean you’ve failed them—it means you care enough to help them feel less alone and more resourced.
Working with a licensed therapist can help them:
Identify the type of anxiety they’re facing
Learn evidence-based coping strategies that work for their unique situation
Rebuild trust in themselves and their inner resilience
Explore tools like EMDR, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), or Brainspotting that can reduce anxiety and help improve emotional well-being
Feel empowered to face their fears with support, not shame
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, anxiety disorders are highly treatable, especially when caught early. And remember: suggesting therapy is an act of love—not pressure. It’s a sign of deep respect for both their pain and their potential.
You’re Not Their Therapist - And That’s Okay
When someone you love is struggling with anxiety, it’s easy to take on more than you can carry. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to fix it, and you’re not meant to.
Anxiety is complex. It can stem from many places—a traumatic event, unresolved emotions, or brain chemistry. While your presence can be deeply comforting, it’s okay (and necessary) to set limits that protect your own emotional well-being.
Here’s how to support anxious people without losing yourself:
Know your role: You’re not their therapist—you’re their partner, friend, or family. You can walk beside them, but you don’t have to carry the full weight of their anxiety.
Set emotional boundaries: If you’re feeling drained, it’s okay to say, “I care about you deeply, and I also need to take care of myself today.”
Encourage outside support: A therapist, support group, or other mental health resource can offer insight and care you’re not responsible for providing.
Take care of yourself: Burnout doesn’t help anyone. Make space for your own rest, joy, and emotional care. That’s not selfish—it’s essential.
A variety of mental health options—like therapy, self-care routines, or medication when appropriate—can help treat anxiety symptoms more fully and sustainably. By holding boundaries with love, you actually help your loved one feel safer and more supported—not less.
Come As You Are - Compassionate Anxiety Therapy for Women 40+
If you’re feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or like something’s just off, I want you to know—you’re not alone, and you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.
I work with women over 40 who are high-functioning on the outside but often struggling quietly within. Maybe you’re dealing with unexpected panic attacks, excessive anxiety, or the effects of a traumatic event. Maybe you're just tired of holding it all together.
Additional Reading: Discover the answer to Does Anxiety Get Worse in Middle Age? Why It Happens & What You Can Do About It.
Through trauma-informed approaches like Brainspotting, EMDR, and integrative talk therapy, I help you explore what’s really causing your symptoms—so I can help you better understand your inner world and gently reconnect with the calm and clarity that’s already within you.
Anxiety is a normal part of life, but when it starts to take over, support can make all the difference.
💛 When you're ready, I’m here. Get in touch!