Why Do I Keep Thinking That? Understanding Intrusive Thoughts
Let’s talk about that moment when a thought pops into your head and you immediately wonder, “Why would I even think that?” Whether it’s violent, sexual, or just completely out of character, an intrusive thought can feel distressing—but you’re not alone, and you’re not broken. Studies show that 94% of people experience intrusive thoughts, regardless of whether they have a mental health condition.
In this post, we’ll explore:
What are intrusive thoughts, and why they feel so intense
Whether they’re connected to OCD, anxiety disorders, or PTSD
How to manage and even stop the spiral
You don’t have to keep this to yourself. If intrusive thoughts are impacting your peace of mind, there are compassionate ways to cope, heal, and get help.
What Are Intrusive Thoughts and Why Do They Happen?
An intrusive thought is an unwanted, involuntary mental image, idea, or impulse that seems to come out of nowhere. These unwanted thoughts can feel bizarre, frightening, or even morally offensive—but they don’t reflect who you are. They often show up during times of anxiety, stress, or emotional overload.
Common patterns of intrusive thoughts may include:
Fear of hurting someone, even though you never would
Sudden sexual thoughts that feel disturbing or out of character
Blasphemous or “immoral” ideas that clash with your values
Excessive fear of making a mistake or forgetting something important
These thoughts become bothersome when we react to them with fear, shame, or attempts to suppress them—often increasing their frequency.
Additional reading: You might also want to take a look at When Today’s News Brings Up Yesterday’s Trauma.
The Link Between Intrusive Thoughts, Obsession, and Compulsion
While intrusive thoughts are common, for some, they’re linked to Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). In OCD, a person may develop obsessions (persistent, distressing thoughts) and compulsions (repetitive behaviors or mental acts used to reduce that distress).
Here’s a simple breakdown:
Obsession = an unwanted, recurring thought, urge, or image
Compulsion = a repetitive action (mental or physical) used to neutralize or relieve that thought
It’s important to note that not everyone who experiences intrusive thoughts has OCD. However, if the distress is constant and impacts your daily functioning, you may benefit from support from a mental health professional.
Signs and symptoms of OCD may include:
Frequent, bothersome thoughts that don’t go away
Feeling driven to do rituals or mental checks to cope
Spending over an hour a day on obsessions and compulsions (International OCD Foundation)
If you see yourself in any of this, please know—it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. Many people who experience intrusive thoughts, including those with or without OCD, are simply trying to cope with stress, fear, or old emotional wounds. The key difference is how much those thoughts are interfering with your daily life.
Are Intrusive Thoughts Normal? (Spoiler: Yes, They Are)
If a disturbing, unwanted thought has ever suddenly popped into your mind and left you wondering, “What’s wrong with me?”—you’re not alone. Intrusive thoughts are actually a common and normal part of being human. Yes, even the ones that feel scary, shameful, or totally out of character.
During midlife, it’s especially common for these thoughts to surface more frequently. Changes in hormones, caregiving stress, grief, or unresolved emotional pain can trigger or amplify anxiety and stress disorders, making obsessive thoughts feel harder to ignore.
Many people who experience intrusive thoughts feel too ashamed to talk about them—even in therapy. But here’s what I want you to know:
A thought is not a fact.
You are not your thoughts.
You don’t have to try to suppress or control them.
Compulsions are repetitive responses that often increase anxiety—not reduce it.
You deserve reassurance, not self-judgment.
If these thoughts feel time-consuming or interfere with daily life, working with a mental health professional can help.
Additional reading: This might also help - Tired of Overthinking Every Interaction? Here’s How to Overcome Social Anxiety.
Examples of Intrusive Thoughts (And Why They Don’t Mean What You Think)
Intrusive thoughts are often tied to underlying mental health conditions like anxiety and depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), but they can also show up in people with no formal diagnosis.
Here are a few common types of obsessive thoughts that many people—especially women in midlife—may experience:
Harm-related thoughts: “What if I accidentally hurt someone I love?”
Sexual intrusive thoughts: “Why did that pop into my head about a stranger?”
Religious or moral doubts: “Am I a bad person for thinking that?”
Fear-based spirals: “What if I made a huge mistake and can’t fix it?”
These thoughts can become more distressing when you try to suppress them or develop compulsions to try to neutralize them.
Real-Life Example
Let’s take “Susan,” a 49-year-old woman navigating divorce and caregiving. One night, a violent image popped into her mind about hurting her aging parent. It horrified her—and she began to ruminate, fearing she was “going crazy.” But with the support of a trusted clinician, she learned that people who experience intrusive thoughts often do so during emotional overwhelm. Through psychotherapy and a customized treatment plan, she found relief—and reassurance that she was not alone, not dangerous, and not broken.
You deserve the same peace of mind. And yes—it gets better.
Additional reading: Discover the answer to Does Anxiety Get Worse in Middle Age? Why It Happens & What You Can Do About It.
How to Stop Intrusive Thoughts from Spiraling
When an intrusive thought suddenly pops into your head, your first instinct might be to try to push it away. But here’s the twist: the more you fight it, the more it sticks. The goal isn’t to stop the thought—it’s to soften your response to it.
This starts by recognizing that unwanted thoughts are often part of normal mental health experiences, especially during times of transition. For midlife women navigating stress, loss, or identity shifts, it’s common for thoughts to become more intense or repetitive.
Managing Intrusive Thoughts with Self-Compassion
Instead of suppressing or spiraling, try these gentle, grounding practices:
Notice without judgment: “There’s that thought again.” No need to argue with it.
Breathe and ground: Feel your feet on the floor. Inhale slowly. Let the moment settle.
Label it kindly: “That’s just my anxious brain trying to protect me.”
Move your body: Stretch, take a walk, shake out tension—movement helps reset.
Write it out: Journaling can bring clarity and create distance from the thought.
Reduce compulsive reactions: Checking, researching, or seeking reassurance can feed the anxiety loop.
You’re not flawed for having intrusive thoughts. Many people who experience them feel deep shame—but the truth is, these thoughts are just mental noise, not personal truths. Being gentle with yourself is the first step toward peace of mind.
Additional reading: Learn more about Coping Skills for Anxiety: Simple, Effective Ways to Ease Your Worries.
Signs and Symptoms to Watch For: When to Reach Out for Help
Sometimes intrusive thoughts are just that—fleeting, uncomfortable, but manageable. But in some cases, they may point to deeper mental health concerns.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or exhausted by your thoughts, please know: it’s not weakness to ask for help—it’s courage. Many people with OCD or anxiety-related conditions keep them secret, not realizing how common or treatable they are.
According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), you may have OCD or a related condition if you:
Experience the same distressing thought over and over
Engage in rituals or mental checks to feel “safe”
Avoid people, places, or things for fear of triggering a thought
Feel constant fear that something terrible will happen if you don’t act
Spend more than an hour a day on thoughts related to anxiety or fear
Feel your quality of life is slipping, even if you hide it well
OCD often responds to both talk therapy and, in some cases, medications like SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), which are prescribed to treat certain anxiety disorders. There are also alternative treatments and newer ways of thinking that offer real relief.
You don’t have to figure this out alone. There’s help—and there’s hope.
Ready to Feel Like Yourself Again? Let’s Talk About What’s Next
If intrusive thoughts, anxiety, or emotional overwhelm have been weighing you down, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to manage it by yourself. I help women over 40 navigate the intrusion of anxious thinking, unresolved trauma, perfectionism, and obsessions (including OCD-related patterns) using Brainspotting, EMDR, and mindfulness.
These proven, trauma-informed tools help regulate the nervous system and heal from the inside out—so things don’t just get worse, they get better. There are real solutions, backed by research studies, and I’d be honored to help you find mental health support that fits your life. Reach out today!